If you are asexual (which I think I might be) how do you distinguish between people you want to be close friends with and people you want to be in a relationship with? How is romantic attraction different than platonic attraction? Thank for running a great blog!
Oh geez, it’s so hard to put this into feelings. In the end, I don’t really think a specific distinction is incredibly necessary.
I never wanted to call my bff anything more than my bff, but we were super close - people asked my friend all the time if we were in a relationship (she said yes because that’s who she is, lol). We hugged, we sat close together, we danced when music played, our whole group broke into song during lunch. We finished each other’s sentences and didn’t have to make coherent words to understand each other. But we were always just friends for me.
I never believed in love (or lust or crushes or whatever) at first sight until I met who would later become my bf (and that relationship was a disaster on it’s own, but the beginning ways happy, anyway). It was like… Kinda like a Disney movie - when I saw him, it was just like this light surrounded him and I just wanted to get to know him better. I wanted to hear him speak. I wanted to sit next to him. After a day at the local amusement park and dinner with a group of friends, when we parted, he put his hand on my shoulder, and it was like my heart just flew. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I just really liked him.
We didn’t kiss for a month even. I’ve never really wanted that kind of stuff from any relationship. I don’t really enjoy cuddling. I did that stuff with him and for him and it was part of my first romantic experience.
But I just wanted to get to know him better and be with him. It really can’t be put well into words the difference between romantic and platonic attraction.
And not every case is easy to separate, whether you’re asexual or not. During field camp there was a girl I really liked. I loved hanging out with her. I felt all warm and fuzzy when she invited me to hang out or on walks. I was happy when I was partnered with her. To this day I still don’t really know how much of that was a squish and how much might have been crush. (And part of it is that she and this other guy began dating before field camp was over and so I really didn’t get to hang out with her after that, then she went back home in another state and I really haven’t gotten to see her again. I just know I was really crushed to lose pretty much the one friend I made during field camp.) I do not think I could be really any kind of physical in any relationship again, if I ever get into a romantic one again - which I’m also not sure I ever want. I think sometimes you just have to explore what you both want and where you’re both comfortable going. When you figure out what it is, you can label it then. Or don’t! The point is you’ve found someone you like/enjoy hanging out with and that’s always awesome and fun! If it takes you a while to figure out what your feelings really are - well, you’re not alone. There is no standard answer that can be given because not every experience or situation is going to be the same. It’s something you’re going to have to figure out as you go - just don’t forget to enjoy the journey as you do! It’s just as important as your destination. :)